Essentialism: How to be Alone

For the first time in my life, I’ve come to grips with the idea of going to my grave alone. It’s taken me thirty-two years of repeated patterns to realize that I can do a lot of good in this life as a happy, whole individual. My friendships have become deeper, my attention more focused, and my mind clearer. I can truly devote myself to what matters, and no longer fall into the trap of performing what I think matters to other people.

Essentialism

I’ve spent the last five years slowly reducing everything in my life to its essentials. What happens when you take away all your prized possessions, your job, your hobbies, the champagne and all the fancy restaurant dinners? You can’t do that with one look in the mirror, it takes a lot of work. And if you fully commit, it’s fucking scary and deeply uncomfortable.

Becoming Whole

I don’t know where I got the idea that we all need someone to complete us in this life. I can’t believe after all these years I’ve never questioned this belief. I’ve gotten really good at being a chameleon in life and learning everything I need to become the person people need me to be, or do well in my next hobby. But as far as I can tell, I’ve missed the whole point: life isn’t an abstraction, it’s not theoretical, it’s not an exercise or an experiment. I’ve learned the hard way that life is messy and it’s going to hurt sometimes. In this next phase of my life, I’m going to spend more energy going off how I feel and worry less about how I think I should feel. 

Learn and Revise your Approach

Everything in this life is a learning opportunity. As Rebecca Solnit writes: “Difficulty is always a school, though learning is optional.”

Question everything: it’s never too late to change your mind.