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Articles that focus on architecture, material culture, maintenance, and learning how to appreciate what you already have. I strongly believe in sharing my process and putting things into practice—here you’ll also find concise summaries and analysis of books I’ve read. Written by Matt C Reynolds.

 

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I write about designing and living an intentional life. I strongly believe in putting things into practice and sharing my process along the way.

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On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler

 
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The Book in Three Sentences

The illusion of infinite time clouds our understanding of the preciousness of one another. We plan for most everything in life, and yet death usually catches us by surprise. You are the only one who can survey the magnitude of your loss: no one will ever know the meaning of what was shared or the deepness of the void that shadows your future.

Your Loss

Grief is the healing process of the heart, soul, and mind. It is the path that returns us to wholeness. It isn’t a matter of if you will grieve; the question is when you will grieve. Until you do, you will suffer from the effects of that unfinished business. (p.229)

Grief is real because the loss is real. Each grief has its own imprint, as distinctive and as unique as the person we lost. The pain of loss is so intense, so heartbreaking, because in loving we deeply connect with another human being, and grief is the reflection of the connection that has been lost. (p.203)

Everyone experiences many losses throughout life, but the death of a friend is unmatched for its emptiness and profound sadness. Your world stops. You know the exact time they died—or the exact moment you were told. It is marked in your mind. (p.29)

You are the only one who can survey the magnitude of your loss. No one will ever know the meaning of what was shared, the deepness of the void that shadows your future. You alone know your loss. (p.30)

Your Experience

Objects can hold old memories and give focus to your loss. A transitional object can be a tangible connection with the person that helps you remember the places you saw and the things you did together. (p.162)

If we dream of our dead loved ones, spending time questioning the experience is to miss out on the point — and perhaps the gift. (p.58)

At times, you may start to cry as if for no reason at all. It may seem it just comes out of the blue because you are not consciously thinking about your loss. Unexpected tears remind you that the loss is always there. (p.44)

Writing about your loss can be useful in many ways:

  • Writing is a wonderful companion to our loneliness in a world where we stand alone.

  • Years later it can provide insight into your pain and your healing.

  • You can finish any unfinished business in letter writing. (p.144)

The Experience of Others

Most of us would do just about anything other than sitting with someone experiencing grief. But grief must be fully experienced to provide healing on the other side. (p.103)It is not likely that anyone would get mad at a friend for calling to say they were thinking about your loss, yet this is a common concern. Even if the person had temporarily forgotten, they haven’t subconsciously because our bodies remember our feelings. (p.116)

We spend a great deal of time teaching our children about life, and when someone is dying, we have a profound opportunity to teach them how to care for loved ones in their last days. We can teach them to build a healthy relationship and belief system around death and loss. (p.168)

Reflecting

The illusion of infinite time clouds our understanding of the preciousness of one another. That value grows in death as we realize all that was lost. (p.38)

We plan for most everything in life. We plan weeks ahead for our birthday, months ahead for our vacation, years ahead for our weddings, and decades ahead for our retirement. But death, perhaps the biggest trip of our life, usually catches us by surprise. And when we lose a loved one to that unwanted mystery of life, we are never prepared. (p204)

Death is a factor that changes all our views as we are forced to evaluate our worth and what ultimately matters in life. (p.151)

After someone’s death, you will experience a review of your own life. This often occurs from the perspective of how everyone else experienced you, and not from your own experiences.

  • You will feel all the consequences of your actions.

  • You will know all the pain and more important all the love and kindness that others felt from you.

  • You will see how far you’ve grown in your life and whether you have more lessons to learn.

  • You will be asked how much did you love and how much service did you do for mankind. (p.108)

 
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Memento Mori

At your time of death, you will lie there, like so many people over the years, in a bed surrounded by flowers and look out a big window. That room might not be much different from the first good death you saw. (p.215). Remember that one day that it will be you, and you’ll appreciate your life so much more.

We do not get over our loss, we don’t find recovery, but we may find renewed meaning and enrichment for having known them. (p.225)

 
Book Summary, Memory & MeaningMatt ReynoldsComment